#BeReal

 Our conscious and unconscious minds work together. Sometimes our unconscious mind can block us from seeing things that our conscious minds do not want us to see. Sometimes our unconscious minds show us little memories to let us relive those moments that we miss.  Today my unconscious mind brought up something sad for me, to let me face it. I miss my cat Hermonie, she was a beautiful light in my life and made me happy even when I wasn't. And I miss her every day. I saw a Cardinal today when I was thinking of Hermonie, which is my Grandma's favorite bird. I saw the Cardinal and knew that my Grandma was here with me telling me everything was okay and that I am going to get through this pain.  What happened was I came out to see my cat Gracie, because unconsciously that is what I felt was best for me. So, I made a conscious decision to go out to my living room and see Gracie, I was about to go back to my bedroom when I turned around and saw a Cardinal. I saw the Cardinal, right on

  I don't get how we are supposed to wake up every day with disgusting creatures in this world that want to hurt us. I don't get how we are supposed to feel safe walking alone. I don't want to fear this world, but fear is what this world is made of. We are driven by fear or be feared. Do I want to be scared? No. I want to walk where ever I want to go without fear of someone looking at me the wrong way or scared someone may touch me or hurt me. Life is scary.  I have to be more aware of my surroundings, and it sucks. Maybe if I didn't have anxiety, I would not be so on edge and scared. But I am, I'm scared of what could happen to me. I should not have to be scared of the unknown and be scared to be alone in a place beside my home. Life is scary. I want to look at the world and feel at home, not scared of what might happen to me. I shouldn't worry about the "what if's" and "maybes"...I should be worrying about now. But this world is so mess

                                       Words     Words have so much meaning to them. They represent a meaning in each sentence. Each time you write something, say something...you are using words. Adjectives describe you. Verbs state your action. Without words how would we speak?    Words can have so much hate in them sometimes and can tear you apart. While others can bring you so much joy, and put a smile on your face. One single sentence could change someone's life, using words. That one sentence could change a person's view for the better or the worse. Sometimes we may regret what words we choose to use, and that guilt sticks with us for a while from the words we choose.   Saying "I love you", three words, is something you feel and that you express to someone that you have all this mushy inside of you for someone else. Saying "I hate you", three words, is this dark feeling inside of you, that makes you despise someone...that your whole brain is overwhelmed

                   Have you ever heard the saying live in the present? Or tomorrow is a new day? Or any positive saying about living in the present, or about life. I guess. I am sorry, this part of the blog is really random. But I guess what I am saying is continue reading this and you will understand more.    I know life can be tough. But it's even tougher when you keep dwelling on the past. Look to the future and keep going forward. When you are walking, most of the time you walk forwards, in less you are special. So that is how you have to look at life. Walk forward in life, look to the future, not the past. Worry about the moment you are in right now, you will get to tomorrow soon...just hold on.      Life is a downer, but you got to be the topper of all things. Just kidding don't be a topper, Topper's will just push you off a high story building and say "I didn't do it". But really, I know it is so easy to look on the bad and negative things of this world

                         A Small Voice in the Crowd   We people ignore the small things, like an ant crawling on a tree branch or a baby bird in the tree branches alone. Sometimes we do not notice these small things. Some people may notice these things, and some don't notice the obvious. But of all those things you hear a voice in the crowd.  That voice is yours, maybe it's telling you something you have been ignoring. Listen to that small voice because it could change things in your life to make them so much more beautiful. Maybe the voice is telling you to pursue your career. It could be a very small thing to a huge thing in your life to change. You may be thinking huge like an Elephant? Well, maybe it is an Elephant.  Listen to your heart and that little voice. Your life is not finished in till you really feel this essence of accomplishment for your life. There are so many things you have not done yet. Maybe you want to change your career and your 45 or so, well y

                                  When the Pain Starts    It starts slowly, leading all the way up to your heart. It hits hard, everything starts to hurt and that pain becomes a sword against your will. It is a confusing feeling and hard to explain. It then spreads to your brain decomposing your thoughts and feelings. The bigger picture becomes blurry, you confuse what is good and bad and what is best.       The big picture turns from gold to dust. You are paralyzed in fear of what you are feeling and how it has taken over you. You want to scream, you want someone to come to help you. But you look around, in your lonely dark corner and see no one. You stay in that dark corner, afraid and hurt...the pain haunts you inside and out. You are angry at the world and things it has done to you and continues to do to you. That anger haunts you and takes over, you only see what hurts inside of you rather than what helps. You want to take revenge on that anger, hurt the people that d